"Self Respect"

"Self respect" - A term which people hear constantly. But, do people really understand the term? I don't know. But, at times, I think why this ambiguity on a term which sounds as simple as this - "Self Respect".

The simplest meaning that I can think of is, You respect yourself as an individual and do not feel ashamed or feel disrespectful of the things/activities that you do. Why is it so complicated then? For the simple fact that it starts with "Self".

Is it not we as individuals who define Self respect? I decide when I respect myself for what I have done. Inspite of this, why do we keep hearing the phrase, "If you have any self respect in you, you wouldn't do this or you wouldn't do that". Is it not that the person who is saying this is enforcing their definition of Self Respect on you and is wishing you adhere to this? Basically, getting something that they want to be done, done. If we still go ahead and do it, are we safe gaurding our "Self-Respect" or is it "Self- Esteem"? Self- Esteem- A term which is very similar to self respect but which hinges on earning respect of others and acceptance.

So, aren't we compromising on our self respect when we do something for self esteem? Do we compromise on this willingly or does it just happen?

I believe we do this willingly. But, why would somebody do this? At times in life, there are some people whom we respect more than we respect ourself e.g my parents, brother and a few friends in my life. So, essentially we value earning their respect more than how much we value our self respect. Would i feel unhappy about this? No, I wouldn't.

A few quotes about self respect which I found to be interesting -

Frederick Douglass:
"I prefer to be true to myself, even at the hazard of incurring the ridicule of others, rather than to be false, and to incur my own abhorrence."

Joan Didion:
"To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves -- there lies the great, singular power of self-respect."

Mohandas K Gandhi:
"They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them."

The best one of them all -

Mark Twain:
"The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself."


I have faced quite a few conflicts on this term. With people trying to enforce their definition of "Self- Respect", it was bound to happen. But, by not adhering to their definition, have I lost my self respect?

NO WAY.. Isn't doing what you believe is best for you actually earning you self respect? I did what i believed was truly best for me in those situations and am glad I did that. Whatever stand I took then only earned me more Self Respect. But, the actual conflict in those situations was of "Self- Esteem", which I did compromise on. Would I want the individuals involved in those conflict to respect me?

Yes. But why? Simply for the fact that those individuals are those whom I respect and would want that to be mutual. I don't know if i would get that opportunity.
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Just some random thoughts which kept sleep away from me for a while. :) :)



Kiran

Fight Club- Chuck Palahniuk

"Fight Club"- A book by Chuck Palahniuk published in 1996 and made into a mobvie in 1999.


A boring sunday afternoon when I had nothing to do and was exercising my thumb on the TV remote, saw the title of a movie "Fight Club" on Star Movies. The title caught my attention and was hoping it would be some action flick with Van Damme or some other bloke on the lines of Rocky, etc.


Saw the first half, couldn't make head or tail of the happenings on screen. But, the concept was kinda interesting and switched off thinking I shall watch it again some other time.


A couple of weeks later, saw the movie again and this time, watched the full movie. I could make some sense out of it.
Finally, got hold of the book and totally loved it.
A scary book to read when you are going through a phase where you are losing sleep and are sleeping less.
You start thinking on, "Where is my Life headed?". Don't know how many people would understand this. But, there are times in my life when I have thought of doing things if not crazier atleast on par with some activities part of "Project Mayhem". Did I let "sanity" prevail by not doing any of these or was it just fear of the consequences? Don't have a clue on the reason. Just the thought that I ever thought of such activties brings a smile onto my face. :)
Some of the quotes from the book which I ike-
1. "If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't"
2. "You just are, all that happens just happens"
3. "It's only after you have lost everything, that you are free to do anything"
4. "Maybe self-improvement is not the answer.. Maybe Self-Destruction is the answer.."

Really love the second one, "You just are, all that happens just happens". A very simple statement which I invariably believe is true when I think about it.

A disturbing book which might take away your sleep for a while. But, a book that I would recommend reading. :)

Kiran